Roadblock by Scazon

Setbacks happen. One moment you are pressing forward, making great strides towards your goal. The next moment you find yourself slamming into a brick wall that appeared out of nowhere, at high speed. The impact throws you off your feet and onto your back. You suffer injuries and lose your momentum. Instead of moving forward, you now have to cope with this turn of events.

At best, it is a minor irritant. At worst, it can be a devastating blow, which you may not recover from quickly enough. But what matters is not what happens; it is dealing with it that counts.

Are Setbacks Stepping Stones or a Brick Wall?

Setbacks mean different things to different people.

Some people see setbacks as stepping-stones to success. To them, setbacks are reminders that their approach is flawed somewhere. Thus, they analyze their mistakes, learn from it and make the needed adjustments until they achieve success.

Others may have deep emotional investment in a situation, which they cannot manage properly. They may also have a lot at stake. In such cases, each setback can hit them like a ton of bricks. But the damage does not stop there. Because they cannot afford to fail, they do. Each setback discourages them further. This in turn has a negative impact on their future efforts leading to more mistakes and failures.

Such a vicious downward spiral is not easy to deal with. How then should those whose setbacks leave them dejected cope with the situation?

Sleeping by Stewickie

Coping with Setbacks

Think about it. When you are in a good mood, you see possibilities all around you. When you are depressed, it is hard for you to see an opportunity even if it appeared right in front of you. The situation itself does not change, only your perception of it and your ability to manage does.

When setbacks leave you feeling dejected, the worst thing to do is to press on. Trying to force the issue or deal with the problem when you are not ready will only worsen matters. When you lack the clarity and the objectivity needed to manage, how can you expect a successful outcome? In such a situation, it is best to take time out to rest and recharge. What follows is a few ways to cope with setbacks.

1. Healing

If a setback leaves you feeling dejected, you need to rest. Step back from the situation and heal. Do whatever it takes to help you feel better. At the same time, you must ensure that you take good care of your mind, body and spirit. You will need to call on all three later to help you face your setback. In the meantime, nurture and nourish yourself to regain your strength.

The process may take some time, but you should take as long as you need and can. If matters are urgent, find some way to delay events until you are in a better frame of mind to take action. It is not a good idea to act before you are ready. Why act if you are likely to fail?

For me, I usually take a nap to forget and recharge. In addition, I also leave things aside and focus on other interests to get my mind off matters. Make time to relax and enjoy doing your favourite activities. Spend time with family and friends. These are some good ways to heal and recharge.

2. Facing the Setback

Once you have rested sufficiently, it is time to face the setback. You have to examine it closely to find out what happened and why. Only when you have analyzed the situation and found the answers to these questions will you be able to take action to change things.

Think out of the box and be creative where possible. Sometimes, minor adjustments to your plans and methods are all you need. But other times, you may have to consider a complete or radical overhaul. Regardless of the adjustments required, you must plan carefully. Try to stay ahead of the situation and plan for various possibilities. This way, you will have the strength and the confidence to face things no matter how events unfold.

3. Overcoming Setbacks

Analyzing, planning and preparing is important, but not the end of the story. When you have done all you need to do, it is time to test your preparation against reality. It is time to see if you can move past your setback. The good thing about thorough preparation is that it gives you the confidence you need to deal with the situation.

Once you are really ready and eager for action, try again. But expect that things will not go exactly as you planned. Be ready to make the needed adjustments as events unfold. If you can manage this, you will be able to overcome any setback and changes you face as you move towards your goal.

Stepping Stones by Richard Carter

Taking Action

Whether we like it or not, setbacks are part of any process. More often than not, things do not go as planned. But as I mentioned earlier, it is not what happens that matters. What really counts is how we deal with it.

How do you manage setbacks? Are setbacks stepping stones or a brick wall to you? What are the steps and the actions you take to cope? Do share your thoughts and comments below!

Fire by Travis Wiens

Have you ever faced a confusing situation where you did not know what to do or how to manage? Have you ever focused on a goal to the point that it compromised your judgement? Have your fears and doubts prevented you from taking decisive action when you should have?

You need inner clarity to manage any challenge you face. Without this inner brightness, it is akin to groping about in the dark, hoping to stumble upon an exit. At key points when you cannot afford to make mistakes, you are likelier to make many that will cost you dearly. How then can you maintain your clarity even in the most trying of times?

How to Maintain Clarity in Adversity

1. Seek a Worthy Source of Spiritual Wisdom

There are many different sources of spiritual wisdom in the world today. This is the result of Man’s reflection, throughout the ages, on how to manage life.

Certain beliefs and views may appeal to you while others may not. Follow your heart and mind. Go with the appealing belief or view that makes the most sense to you. In choosing a belief or a view, it is best to choose one that is good, right and just. If possible, choose a view that unites instead of divides, encompassing all instead of a select few. Only through love can we hope to have the clarity and brightness that we need to shine in life.

Most importantly, this belief or view has to be able to withstand and provide guidance even in times of trouble. This is when beliefs and views are truly tested.

2. Seek Many Worthy Sources of Wisdom

One source of wisdom may not be enough. Many issues in life are vast and complex. A source of wisdom may be applicable in some cases, but it may not have answers for others.

Do you remember how you read some books or watched some show as a child? You had certain views and impressions of what you read and watched then. Years later when you revisited these books and shows again, you viewed them differently. The content itself did not change, but you did. Thanks to your increased wisdom and experience, your understanding became much deeper than before.

The key here is to read widely and to select those ideas and beliefs that appeal to you most. It is easier to hold onto views and ideas that agree with you. When you nourish yourself with many sources of wisdom, you reap more benefits from each. You are also likelier to unlock deeper insights into each source than if you had merely relied on one source alone.

3. Goals and Purpose

Being in the midst of a complex situation can be rough and chaotic. It is like the storm tossing a boat back and forth. To worsen matters, it is hard to know what to do when confusion reigns.

But if you had an anchor during such times to give you a measure of stability, it would be easier to get your bearings in the midst of chaos. If you had an anchor that puts things in perspective, it becomes easier to know what to do. Thankfully, we all have our own unique anchors. This anchor is your greater goal or purpose.

Remembering your goal or purpose helps you to see things in perspective. You know at once, what is important and what is not. You know at once, what you should do and what you should not. With a goal in mind, your course of action in the midst of chaos will become clearer to you. Then, it is all a matter of doing what you can to follow your chosen path.

4. Master Your Feelings

There are many points in our lives when we become our worst enemy. This is certainly the case when our feelings obscure our clarity.

A lack of control over your feelings can rob you of your clarity. For example, fears and doubts can prevent you from taking decisive action. Anger can impair your judgement and cause you to act recklessly. Impatience can cause you to act at inopportune moments. Attachment to someone or something can make you less objective in your choices and actions and so on.

But negative feelings are not solely responsible for a lack of clarity. Even positive feelings when taken to excess can dim your clarity. Confidence can lead to arrogance. Contentment can lead to complacency. Joy can distract you at key moments when you should focus and so on.

When your feelings control or distract you, what you should or should not do becomes muddled. In such cases, you will lack the clarity you need to choose and act wisely. Whether your feelings are positive or negative, it is vital to ensure they do not go to extremes. To this end, you must maintain your balance and awareness of how you feel. Only when you are able to manage your feelings in all situations will you have the clarity to know how to act properly.

5. Patience

If you have the luxury of time, then let the dust of chaos and confusion settle. When the chaos has died down clarity comes a little more naturally to you. The key here is patience.

There have been times when I have been uncertain about how to proceed next. During such moments, I like to mull over the situation. If the answer is not instantly clear, I switch my focus to other matters. This allows me to step back and detach myself from the situation. Given enough time to think things through, the next step presents itself eventually.

But here it is vital not to act prematurely until you are certain of how to proceed. That is if you have the luxury of time. Otherwise, you have to define your goals and act as best as you can.

6. Constant Effort

To have clarity in life requires constant effort. Many things in this world can obscure the clarity we have. Endless choices, daily struggles, obsessions and temptations all have the power to distract us.

The only way to deal with the natural order of things is to nourish your mind and soul daily. Set aside time each day to cultivate your wisdom and brightness. Above all, always examine what you choose to depend on and cultivate. This will ensure that we do not stray too far from the right path and continue to have success and good fortune even in times of trouble.

Taking Action

Grave adversity can happen to anyone of us at anytime. In the midst of these difficulties, we must have the clarity to endure and to survive. We must not let hardships dim our brightness. The only way to do so is to cultivate our brightness daily by drawing on sources that sustain and nourish us. Only then will we know how to act in our best interests even when there is chaos around us.

How do you cultivate your clarity? What are your favourite sources of spiritual wisdom? How do you maintain your brightness in times of trouble? Do you have a mantra or a calming word or phrase? How do you share your clarity during good times? Do share your thoughts and comments below!

“The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!” -Rocky Balboa to his son

I am sure we have all taken hard hits from life at one point or other. It could be due to unexpected misfortunes. Or it could be due to hardships faced in trying to achieve a goal or to make a dream a reality. Yet we cannot and must not allow the hits we take to keep us down for good. We must reach deep within ourselves to find the strength to stand up and carry on especially when the going gets tough.

From personal experience, I have relied on three pillars to keep me going no matter what. Now I shall share them with you.

The Three Pillars You Need to Overcome Any Obstacle

1. An Indomitable Will

Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will. -Mahatma Gandhi

Strength of will is greater than pure strength alone. After all, pure strength is useless without the will to direct and use it. In war, if the commander loses the will to fight, his army, no matter how strong or numerous they may be, becomes useless. In life, if you lose the will to overcome a challenge, there is no way you can do so, no matter the strength or the resources at your disposal.

Things that are worth it rarely come easy. If we lack the will to persevere through the darkest of times, we can never reach the light of day. Without a firm will to keep on pressing forward through each setback, obstacle and failure, we can never hope to succeed.

2. Belief in a Greater Cause

Indomitable will does not happen just like that. For each situation, there will always be unique reasons that power one’s will.

Firstly, there is belief. Unless you believe you can do something, there is little chance that you will have the will to succeed. Without this firm belief that you can do it, every doubt and obstacle is just another reason to give up.

Secondly, there is a greater cause. It could be a promise, a duty, a desire to protect or a belief in the justness of an action. Your will can only go so far when you live for yourself. But when you have a greater cause to live for, when you have people or a cause to nurture, nourish and protect, you will have the heart to persevere.

3. Flexibility in Approach and Method

It is well and good to have indomitable will, confidence and belief in a greater cause. But all this will be for naught if your approach and methods are faulty. You see, we cannot allow an iron will to translate into rigidity in approach. The best way forward in not always directly into the path of harm. Trying the same thing repeatedly only to achieve failure each time is a waste of will, time and effort.

What we need here is to temper our wills with flexibility in our methods. We need to be able to adapt to changing circumstances and learn from our mistakes. When you balance strength of will with flexibility in approach, there is no challenge you cannot resolve.

Flow by R-Z

Taking Action

What are some of the hard hits that you have taken in life? How did you find the resolve to press forward when it would have been easier to give up? Do share your experiences, thoughts and comments below. They might just inspire others to press on when the going gets tough.

The good memories we have of the past always seems more glorious than it really was. The more distant the past, the more glorious the good memories we have seem. The fact is many of us like to look at the past from time to time. But because it exists in our heads, our perception of events can be subjective.

Maybe the past was rosier than it is now. Maybe it was not. One thing is certain the past is the past. Living in the past or trying to recreate the past is hardly possible. Unless we realize this, we may face disappointment or even danger.

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe

Lately, I have been watching the 2002 cartoon remake of 1980s He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. This remake was enjoyable. It made me realized how much I missed the campy and cheesy characters from my childhood. I even started looking on EBay for some of the relaunched toys that followed the cartoon. Thus far, I managed to get my favourite bumbling villain, Skeletor, yesterday. He is the first, but not the last, of the characters I wish to get.

But even though Skeletor is now standing proudly on my desk, things are not the same.

He-Man versus Skeletor by Rodimuspower

Changes: Then and Now

Firstly, I have changed. I am much older and no longer the kid I was, well, not really. Secondly, I see things very differently from my childhood days. As a result, the characters I used to enjoy lack a certain depth. Still, it is some consolation to like the more serious characters now.

Thirdly, circumstances have changed. There is much more on my plate today compared to my carefree childhood. So many other things require my attention. I also have a great deal more interests today than I had in the past. The Masters of the Universe is merely one of them and it will not remain at the top of my list for long.

Lastly, the times have changed. The 80s was almost thirty years ago. I cannot believe it was that long ago when it feels like yesterday. While I may feel nostalgia for that period, I have no wish to return to that bygone era. What will I do without Wikipedia and Facebook?

The result of my clinging to the past is nostalgia. But as I said, I have changed too much to cling to this cartoon for long. It is nothing more than a passing fad for me. Apart from a slight hole in my pocket and a little overindulgence, there are no dangerous side effects. But what happens when an empire clings to the past and refuses to change?

The Dangers of Clinging to the Past

Many people may have heard of the Roman Empire. Ridley Scott’s Gladiator played a large part no doubt. But fewer people know how the Roman Empire ended. Fewer still were aware of its successor, the Eastern Roman Empire aka the Byzantine Empire.

Byzantium endured for another thousand years after the fall of the West. Constantly under attack from the outside and inside, it never managed to achieve the might of the Roman Empire. But this did not stop it from trying to restore its glorious past.

The Byzantines proved to be very resilient. They came back from the brink of extinction many times. But each time they did, they looked to the past for guidance. In the end, one of the many reasons for their extinction was because they clung too closely to the old ways until it was too late to change. Their enemies did not have this handicap and continued to innovate until they beat the Byzantines. Despite their thousand-year history, the Byzantines are nothing more than a lost civilization in textbooks today.

Harmony by Mollivan Jon

Harmony with the Past, Present and Change

The past can be a hindrance or a help. It all depends on how we manage it.

1. Lessons of the Past

There are lessons we can learn from our past and the past. Some of these lessons are timeless and serve as a good guide in any age. Other lessons are not so relevant and some are nothing more than memories. Here, we must be careful in distinguishing the difference amongst the various pieces of our past. If need be, we have to make adjustments to apply past lessons to the present.

We can no longer change the past, but we can still affect the present and the future with our choices and actions. So, we must remember to act and choose wisely.

2. The Hindrance of the Past

The past belongs to the past. The specific set of conditions that make up the past will never happen again. While we should not deny or turn our backs on the past that make up our lives today, we must be wary of living in the past. For instance, we may cling to past hurts or relationships when we should let go and move on. Or we may cling to the old ways and refuse to venture out of our comfort zones until it is too late. Clinging to the past in this manner may cause it to become a hindrance to us in our present and our future.

When the past becomes a hindrance, we must be aware of the shackles that chain us to it. This awareness will help us to see the present more objectively. When we can separate our past from our present, we will be able to make good choices in the now.

3. Making Peace with the Past

Our lives are the sum of our experiences. What will we be without our past? When we have made peace with ourselves, we can look back on our past without too much attachment. Good times become good memories. Unhappy times become lessons from which we learn. Who knows, our experiences may one day serve as examples for others to follow.

Taking Action

How do you see and manage your past? What are the fond memories you have? How often do you reflect and indulge in a little nostalgia? Do share your thoughts and comments below!

When something bad happens, it can seem like the end of the world. This is likelier to be the case when we are emotionally involved in a high stakes situation. Here, the pressure to succeed and avoid failure becomes immense. Every setback is a disaster, every mistake catastrophic. In such cases, it is tempting to focus on difficulties and make them bigger than they really are. It is easy to imagine the worst and to despair because things seem impossible in our minds. But is this really the case?

The Hunt for the Silver Lining

In truth, every cloud has a silver lining, every catastrophe a hidden blessing. But such insights are rarely obvious to the naked eye. The key is to be able to spot the good in the midst of the bad. You must be able to see the hidden opportunities amidst adversity. To complicate matters, you must be able to do this in spite of the immense pressure you may face. Only then will you be able to turn misfortune into good fortune.

But before you can do anything, you must first master your thoughts. You must not allow your doubts and fears to cripple you. This will only affect your ability to see possibilities, make good choices and take decisive action.

Instead, you must discipline yourself to look for the silver lining. You must focus on finding the solution even if it is easier to despair and give up. This is the only way to turn misfortune around and triumph! How then do you go about finding this silver lining?

Duck Rabbit Illusion by Wikipedia

How to See the Silver Lining in the Clouds

1. Remember Your Motivations

Looking for a silver lining in the midst of adversity is tough. When the odds are great, it is easier to give up than to persevere. This is why you must have iron willpower. You must believe that you will find a way to turn things around even if the situation seems bleak.

To do so, remember your motivations. What are your goals and purpose? Why do you fight? Who are the people you cannot let down? Why must you persevere? Having clear answers to these questions ensures that you have the right mindset to see the good in a bad situation and triumph against the odds!

2. Try Different Perspectives

Often it helps to see things from different perspectives. We are so used to behaving or seeing things in a certain way that it is hard to think from a different angle. Imagine for a moment then that you are not you. For instance, if Steve Jobs were in your shoes, how would he view the situation? Would he see things the same way you do? What opportunities do you think he could find? How would he choose to handle the situation using the skills, knowledge and resources you have?

Try seeing things from the perspective of the people you respect and admire. You could also try seeing things from the perspective of your favourite fictional characters. The key is to take on a perspective that is not your own. You might just be able to see the silver lining if you view things from a different angle.

3. Reframe Your Perception of Events

What your mind can conceive and believe, you can achieve. When you face an unfavourable situation, challenge yourself to reframe the way you perceive events. Instead of seeing only the bad, try to see the good as well. Ask yourself, what are five positive aspects of a bad situation for which you can be grateful? Also, challenge yourself to see at least five different ways to deal with the issue.

It may be hard to see the good in the bad at first. But with constant practice, it should come naturally to you. With time, instead of panic and despair, you will be able to face any crisis with calm and composure. The silver lining, which may not be apparent to others, becomes clear to you. This makes all the difference in being able to turn misfortune into good fortune.

4. Nourish Your Creativity Constantly

Nourish your creativity constantly. Whether it is reading widely, problem solving, self-expression or any other forms of the creative process, take time to be creative. Doing so strengthens your intuition and gives you insights when you need them the most. With vast stores of ideas and knowledge to draw upon, the silver lining in the clouds will be clearer to you. You will then be able to find the answers you need to resolve any challenge you face.

Taking Action

How do you manage setbacks, mistakes and failure? What other ways can you think of to see the silver lining in the clouds? Do share your thoughts and comments below!

Logic while important in life can only reveal so much. Going through life relying on logic alone is akin to managing with one hand tied behind your back. There will be times where something seems logical, but does not feel right. The only way to realize this is through intuition. Intuition allows you to know things that logic alone cannot know. If you choose to ignore your intuition, you will not be living your life in a truly optimal way.

When I think of intuition, I think of Powered by Intuition (PBI) and Angela Artemis. Angela has written many articles on intuition. In fact, if you have a question about intuition, you are likely to find the answer at PBI. If not, I am sure she could help you with her many years of experience.

But that is not all. As part of the tour for her latest book “The Intuition Principle,” I have had the pleasure of sitting down for an interview with her. Here is what she had to share.

An Interview with Angela Artemis

The Vizier: What is intuition?
Angela Artemis: Intuition is defined as information that spontaneously appears in our awareness without any conscious effort on our part. Intuitive information comes into our awareness as a result of our brain searching all of our memory banks. Once it finds the answer it brings it up to our awareness very quickly which is why intuition often feels like an “aha” moment.

The Vizier: Can everyone develop their intuition?
Angela Artemis: Yes, absolutely! Everyone is intuitive although they may not be aware of it. Intuition is a cognitive process and a form of sensing information from the world around us. When your brain searches for the answers in a long forgotten memory bank and then thrusts it into your awareness this is an intuitive process. The information appears “spontaneously” which is why we define intuition as “awareness of information without any conscious effort on our part.”

Intuition is also the sense you have that someone is staring at you before you even turn around and meet their gaze. In this application intuition is a sensory experience about the environment around you. It’s no different than the other five senses we rely upon – it’s just more subtle which is why some people are not aware of being intuitive.

To develop your intuition all you need to do is become aware of it. Become aware of how you “feel” around certain people and what quiet little whispers run through your mind. The quiet whispers and feelings is how your intuition informs and delivers information to you. The more you focus on it and create the intention to become aware of your intuition the more you will sense these things.

The Vizier: What are the benefits of being intuitive?
Angela Artemis: What are the benefits of seeing or hearing? What are the benefits of touch, taste and smell? Intuition is a natural process of conveying information from your own inner wisdom and about your environment to you. When you are in touch with your intuition you are working with all your faculties not just five.

Do you know what synesthesia is? Synesthesia is when you get a sense about something in another part of the body. For example some people with synesthesia hear colors or smells. They see music as colors or numbers. Their brain’s process information through their senses differently than the ordinary way we assume the five senses work.
Intuition is somewhat similar. It’s another way of sensing information and processing it.

When you are intuitive you may hear a voice that stands out over your thoughts in your mind telling you not to trust someone or not to do something. You may feel sickened or nauseated when you are around someone that you should be wary of. You may feel reluctant or hesitant to go forward with some initiative. All of these reactions are a form of intuitive sensing. They are beneficial because they “inform” you in addition to your five senses, of information that is vital for you to know.

The Vizier: How can I tell the difference between the voice of intuition and voice of the ego?
Angela Artemis: Your intuition arises spontaneously. Your ego’s voice is the result of sequential thoughts you’ve been thinking. In other words it follows a rational pattern of one thought leading to another which leads to another. Intuition is a process that happens beneath the level of our awareness which is why we often feel it comes to us from out of the blue. Another way to tell the difference is that the voice of the ego is predicated on “shoulds” and logic. I should do this because it is of benefit to me, etc. When you feel like you should do something because it is logical – this is the voice of the ego. It comes from the reasoning mind not the intuitive mind.

The Vizier: What is the “Intuition Principle?”
Angela Artemis: “The Intuition Principle is a concept that within you exists an innate technology, your intuition, capable of both guiding you to and attracting to you the life and happiness you’ve always dreamed of.” P. 10 “The Intuition Principle.”

By listening to your intuition you are guided to follow the right path in your life. The right path in life is the one you are most passionate and excited about following. It is the path that best utilizes your gifts and abilities and feels effortless to you. For example, being a writer feels effortless to me while to someone else it would feel like drudgery. Being on the right path leads to opportunities that open doors to your greater success. The joyous feeling you get from doing the thing that your soul craves is the mechanism that attracts more opportunity into your life along this path.

The Vizier: Why did you write “The Intuition Principle?”
Angela Artemis: I struggled for many years to find my right path in life. Once I understood the integral part that intuition plays in finding that path I wanted to share “the why and how” so no one would have to struggle like I did. Finding your true path, passion and purpose in life gives your life so much meaning. It’s a joy to get up each day knowing that what other people call work is like “play” to you. I honestly think that is how we are meant to live our lives. When you find your true calling it isn’t work – it’s just pure joy. “The Intuition Principle” is a guidebook for learning to navigate your life by intuition directly to the most joyous path for your life.

The Vizier: Tell us about the guided meditation exercises in the book?
Angela Artemis: The initial guided meditations in the book are meant to guide you step by step to either open up your intuition or to enhance your intuition if you are already seasoned. In the latter half of the book the guided meditations lead you discover your true self, authenticity, purpose, passion and to connect with wise loving beings for guidance.

The Vizier: What bonuses are you offering people who purchase your book?
Angela Artemis: I recorded a few of the meditations from the book and you can download these as MP3s. I also have some of the worksheets from the book and they can be downloaded as well.

The Vizier: What message do you want readers to take away from reading “The Intuition Principle?”
Angela Artemis: Learn to develop your intuition and to listen so that you will “know” whether you are on the right path or not. Your intuition can lead you directly to what you were meant to do in this life. Once you are aligned with your true purpose, the path before you will become completely clear and your life will flow easily and effortlessly. Learning to trust and follow “The Intuition Principle” will turn your life around from just getting through each day to living the exciting life of your dreams.

Angela’s Bio

Angela Artemis, an intuition coach, is on a mission to teach readers around the world to “speak intuition” so that they unlock all the brilliant potential that resides within and start successfully living the life of their dreams now – not later. She blogs at Powered by Intuition and is an Amazon best-selling author. Her newest book is, “The Intuition Principle: How to Attract the Life You Dream Of,” Readers are welcomed to download free bonus material here.

Everyone wishes for success in his or her chosen field in life. How people choose to define success for themselves is personal and unique. But while there are many paths we can take to succeed it is always best to avoid taking short cuts. Short cuts may bring success in the short run, but it usually leads to needless problems in the end.

Short Cuts in Sports: Breaking the Rules

Nowhere are the dangers of short cuts more apparent than in the world of sports. Many top athletes have used anabolic steroids to enhance strength and performance. But such usage puts their bodies at risk due to the side effects of the drugs. Also, in combat sports like mixed martial arts, it could harm their opponents. Due to the ban on doping in sports, many top athletes found doping themselves have had their wins, championships and medals revoked. In addition to disgrace, all they have achieved before also becomes suspect.

Short Cuts in the World: Breaking the Law

Taking short cuts in the world to succeed quickly may involve breaking the law. This could involve bribes, stealing, exhortation or embezzlement of funds, depending on one’s audacity. The consequences of such short cuts can easily destroy lives and futures. Even if the criminal does manage to get away with it in the short run, he will have to spend the rest of his life in fear. This is because if the law catches up with him, he will have to pay a heavy price for his actions. At that point, a moment’s folly or greed may not be worth it to him.

Arrest by Sanden

The Benefits of Taking the Longer Road

There is no short cut to success. Although the road to success may be longer, it is much more secure in the end. Here then are some of the benefits of taking the longer road to success.

1. Legitimacy

Success due to short cuts may lack legitimacy. If the means you have used to achieve this success is questionable, it may open you up to attacks. Instead of taking the time to enjoy your success, you may end up having to defend yourself from needless problems.

By avoiding short cuts and doing things the right and proper way, the success you achieve becomes legitimate. No one can find loopholes in which to criticize your success. Neither will they find any way to question its validity. When your success is beyond reproach, you can enjoy your success with fewer problems and worries.

2. Peace of Mind

The use of certain short cuts may require you to hide them from the public eye. As long as you rely on such dubious short cuts, you will not be able to have peace of mind or to enjoy your success. If your success is not fully transparent, it may be a matter of time before people find out. When they do, you will have to face the consequences as well. This will cause many needless problems for you.

Success that you have truly earned with blood and sweat brings peace of mind. You can take pride in it and hold your head high. There is no shame or fear of being a fraud and disgraced because you have attained your success through hard work and prudence. In short, you will have a clear conscience with nothing to hide. No one can take success achieved in this manner away from you.

3. Lasting Success

What good is success if it does not last and collapses easily? Success gained through short cuts might be fast, but it lacks a firm foundation to stand on. Without a firm foundation, it is hard to have success that is solid and lasting. Also, there is the price you have to pay for the short cut, which may undermine and destroy your success in the end.

Success that comes through hard work, perseverance and prudence is more lasting. You know what works and what does not work. You know what to do and what not to do. The foundation upon which you have built your success is firm and enduring due to gradual development. This allows you to build even greater success upon it.

Skyscraper by Roger Walch

Taking Action

Life will give you many changes to grapple with. It is therefore prudent not to add to your challenges by taking short cuts that are open to question. If you can act in the right and proper way for all that you do, you will avoid many needless problems in your life.

Have you taken any short cuts in life? How did that turn out for you? Do you think it is better to take the short cut or to go by the longer road? What other benefits can you think of for not taking the short cut? Do share your thoughts and comments below!

We live in an age of information overload. There are so many people out there telling us what we should do and what is good for us. The problem is that not all of these views agree. There are always two sides to the story at least. If we listen to and follow the “wrong side” of the story when it comes to making an important choice, we will have misfortune.

So which is the right side? What is the best choice? How do we separate the good and useful views from the ones that are not so good and useful?

Architect of Fate

Before I discuss how to consider the merits of different viewpoints, let us look at the reason behind this article. I have been waiting a few months for the science fiction book Architect of Fate to come out. As soon as it did, I bought it at once. Being a collection of short stories, there were some stories I preferred to others. But overall, I enjoyed the book. Still, I was curious to see how others found it. Thus, I decided to read a few reviews on it.

One review left an impression on me. I disagreed with how the reviewer reviewed one of the stories which I liked. But on closer inspection, I realized that it was because I had a soft spot for the characters, but he did not.

When it came to the review of another story, the reviewer had great praise for it. This time, he connected with the characters. Unfortunately, I did not. I had just finished reading a similar story about these characters so I was a little weary of them. As a result, I did not enjoy the story that much. Maybe if I were to reread this story in a few months, I might appreciate it more.

This set me thinking. If I had read this review before I bought the book, would I have made the wrong choice and not buy it? Or would I have bought it with certain expectations? How then should I consider the merits of a viewpoint?

Balance Scale by Winnifred

How to Consider the Merits of Viewpoints

We cannot possibly know everything. At some point, we have to rely on the views or expertise of others to make a decision. This could be about something as mundane as buying a book. Or it could be a more life-changing choice like moving to another country. The more important the choice, the more carefully we have to weigh the merits of viewpoints. How then do we do so?

1. Is it Balanced and Fair?

The first thing I look for is whether the view is balanced or not. Does the person seek to see the bigger picture and consider different sides of the story? Or do they insist that their point of view is the gospel truth? Does he or she balance the pros and cons? Or do they only look at things from one angle? Have they made an effort to be fair? If not, how does this affect the viewpoint and to what extent does it do so?

I always try to balance good opinions with bad ones. For instance, in reading the Amazon reviews of books, I like to go for the bad reviews first. After I have noted the criticisms in the bad reviews, I look at what the good ones have to say and form my own conclusions. I apply this approach to all areas of life where I have to make an important choice.

2. What are the Underlying Motives?

The next thing I look out for is the underlying motives of the view.

Firstly, who benefits from the viewpoint, the person who gives it or me? Or is it a combination of both? If the person who gives the view derives a benefit, how does this benefit affect the view and to what extent does it do so?

Secondly, is the view objective or subjective? Does the person state things in a calm and detached manner? Or does he or she have an axe to grind? Do they have a reason or agenda behind the point that they are trying to make? How does this agenda skew their viewpoint? What is the agenda?

3. What are the Biases?

Next, I consider the bias in the view.

Does the viewpoint share the same bias as I do? Or is it different from my point of view? If it is similar, should I accept the view wholesale without closer inspection? Or are there some points I should be careful about? If it is different, are there any merits of which I should note? Or should I dismiss it completely?

4. Assumptions and Validity

After that, I look for assumptions.

Are there any assumptions in the viewpoint? If so, what are they and how will this affect me if I follow the advice? Can I expect to achieve the exact same results if I follow the view? Or is there a specific set of criteria I must meet first? Or does this view only apply to a special group of people?

How valid is the view? Are the points in the view irrefutable? Do they have evidence to back them up? Are these examples or evidence reliable? Or are they merely opinions based on impressions, making them debatable?

5. Goals Priorities and Interests

Lastly, a view alone has no meaning if I do not compare it with something of relevance to me. A good point of reference could be my goals, priorities or interests. Does the view help to further my goals or hinder it? Is the information contained within the view useful to me in this context or not? If not, can I utilize it later?

Taking Action

Not every view or opinion requires me to use all the steps. Some views require more steps than others do, while some require less. It all depends on what I am trying to achieve. But no matter what situation I face, as long as I bear the steps above in mind, I will be able to make better choices and so can you.

How do you consider the merits of viewpoints? What do you look for when you listen to views? How do you judge if a view is useful to you or not? Do share your thoughts and comments below!

The end is just as important as the start, if not more so. This applies to many areas in life especially relationships, where a bad end can have lasting damage. Relationships usually start with great care. Even if there are a few minor hiccups, the start must be reasonably good for the relationship to survive and thrive. But if things sour midway leading to the end of a relationship, the end is rarely as good as the start.

Everything has a start and an end. With each end comes a new beginning. This is the way of the world and the natural order of things. But here lies the problem. If an end is not really the end, then the new beginning cannot really be a new beginning. This is especially so for romantic relationships.

Thus, if things have degenerated to a point where there must be an end, then it is best to end things well. Only by doing so can both parties move on and have a fresh start. Before we look at how to bring about a good end, let us take a closer look at why a good end is important.

Responsibility: The Need to End Things Well

Closure is important for both parties to let go and move on. It is vital that they work together to tie up all the loose ends before they can begin their lives anew. Done right, they will bring very little emotional baggage to their next relationship. If possible, both may even remain good friends.

Yet this ideal situation is rarely the case when many relationships end. Often, one party may want to move on while the other party tries to hold on. As you can imagine, this often leads to a messy state of affairs.

The easiest way out is for the party who wishes to leave to just leave. He or she can just cut off all contact and avoid the party who wants to hold on.

But this is not the responsible thing to do. After all, part of the pain and anguish the other party is going through is because of the person who is leaving. In any meaningful relationship, there must have been good times shared with deep love and care involved. To leave the person whom you once loved without ending things properly is cruel.

Ghosts of the Past

A relationship that has a bad end makes it hard for a new beginning. It is hard for the parties involved to close the chapter on their past and move on. For the party that leaves and cuts off all contact, there might be guilt and regrets. For the party left behind, the experience may hurt him or her badly causing deep wounds that take a long time to heal.

Both parties may have emotional baggage of various kinds due to the unresolved issues. Past hurts that are not fully resolved may resurface repeatedly. This can carry over to their next relationship and may affect their choices and actions. This is hardly fair to their new partners. Who knows how many lives and relationships bad ends have affected?

How then does one go about ending things well?

How to End Things Well

1. Do Not Run Away

The first step is not to run away. In any awkward situation, especially one that involves conflict, running away seems like the best option. It may be so in the short run, but running away resolves nothing in the end. If you wish to end a relationship well, then running away is not the answer.

A conflict may seem frightening at first, but it is rarely as bad as you imagine it to be if you manage it well. Instead, when the time is right, muster your courage, steel yourself and face the music. Do your best to resolve matters. It will not be easy, but it is worth the effort in the end. By saying all you need to say in a firm but tactful way, you can help to reduce the pain and begin the healing process for all involved.

2. Clarity

Clarity is vital if you want to end a relationship well. First, you must know why you need to end things and how to go about it. Next, you must know what you need to do and when to do so. Finally, you must also factor in the other party’s likely reactions based on your understanding of them and plan accordingly. If you do not bother to plan and leave things to chance, things could end up badly.

3. Say All You Need to Say

Not knowing why can cause us to imagine all sorts of things. This is especially so for relationships. Without knowing why a relationship ends, we may take a long time to let go and move on.

So if you need to end things, say all you need to say tactfully, calmly and without blame. What you say may seem obvious to you, but the other person may not realize its full importance. Or they may not even be aware of it in the first place. If the communication between the both of you has always been open and honest, this should not come as a shock to them.

As far as you can, clear all the doubts that the other party has in mind. By making everything clear, they will have no illusions to hold onto. This will make it easier for them to let go and move on.

4. Listen

A breakdown in communication occurs because no one is really listening. So, it is vital to listen here, if not for your sake, then for the other party’s sake. The trouble is that many people never allow others to say all they need to say. They always stop them halfway or place constrains to limit the outpouring. If you do not allow them to let things out fully, they can never have the closure they need. This will lead to all the problems I have mentioned earlier.

So, really and fully listen to all the other party has to say. Let them get everything out and off their chest. Even if the other party is screaming and shouting at you, they cannot keep it up forever. Once they have let it all out, there is nothing left to say. It would be pointless to go through all the same points again. When they have said their fill, they can really begin to let go.

5. Accept Responsibility

In any relationship, both parties must share part of the responsibility if things go wrong. No one party is fully to blame for relationship problems. If it is possible to avoid the issue of blame, avoid it because it is a volatile topic. But if there is no way to avoid it, be willing to accept and acknowledge your share of the blame. Pinning all the blame on the other party is unfair and hurtful. Shouldering all the blame yourself is unwise. Recognize where you could have done better and apologize if needed.

6. Be Patient

The longer the time and experiences shared, the harder it is to end things and move on. There is great inertia to overcome as both parties struggle to rebuild their lives. So be patient. The transition from the old to the new will not arrive quickly, but it will arrive. It helps if you work to guide things along.

In the meantime, if there is a need to talk things out again, do so. If you really let them say all they need to say, once should be enough. If not, then twice at most. This depends on the individuals and the relationship.

New Beginning by Giyu

Taking Action

Relationships that end do not have to end badly. A good start to any relationship requires care and effort. The same applies to a good end. When you ensure that the ending is as good as the start, you will have greater harmony in your life.

Do you think the ending is just as important as the beginning? Have you ever had to end a relationship before? How did you handle it? Do you have any advice on how to manage this difficult situation? Do share your thoughts and comments below!

Many of the changes that we face in life involve people. After all, their choices and our choices create the reality around us. It is therefore important to ensure, as far as possible, that we have good relationships with the people who appear in our lives. This makes it easier for us to achieve our goals and to flow with change.

But before we proceed further, please look at the picture above. What do you see? Is the colour the same shade throughout?

Cornsweet Illusion

The picture is actually an optical illusion. Its colour is indeed the same shade throughout as seen from the picture below. When you cover the middle portion, this becomes clear. You can also achieve this effect by using your hand to cover the middle portion of the picture above.

The Cornsweet Illusion helps me to illustrate a point. Boundaries can create illusions that make people seem different. But when we remove or cover those boundaries, we are actually the same.

Cornsweet Illusion Exposed by Fibonacci

Boundaries: A Doubled-Edged Sword

Many kinds of boundaries divide people in this world. Some of these include race, nations and religious beliefs. On a more personal level, there are interests, likes and dislikes. Our experiences, views and beliefs give us our unique identities. They make us who we are. But the world can be a lonely place without like-minded people who understand us. Thus, it is natural and comforting to want to join with people who are similar to us. And with the spread of social media like Facebook today, it is very easy to do so.

While we bond with people who are similar, we may be less welcoming to those who are different. We may have prejudice against perceived outsiders. Some boundaries are necessary to maintain a certain sense of order in the world today. Others, like where we are born, we have no control over. Here, that which is necessary can also go too far.

Instead of order and harmony, boundaries can cause violence and disharmony. Instead of pooling our strengths and resources to achieve great things, we may use them against “others” who are different from us. The result is war and many of the ills that plague countries in the world. On a more personal level, it may create needless obstacles in our way. Our attitude towards people who are different may make it hard for us to work well with them.

Boundaries are Created

I grew up seeing people of different races live harmoniously in the same place. I went to school with all kinds of kids as well. It would have been easy for me to assume that such was the norm around the world. Thankfully, my love for history and world affairs made me realize that such harmony is not a given in life. Instead, this peace and harmony is the result of careful nurturing. If so, then the type of boundaries we have, and what we choose to focus on makes a big difference.

The Illusion of Boundaries

Human beings are a paradox. We are different due to our experiences, influences, likes and dislikes and so on. All of these things make us unique. Yet, if we look at the big picture, we are not that different. If we observe ourselves from another angle, we have many similarities as well.

In truth, boundaries are an illusion. We have more in common than we realize. It is a matter of what we choose to perceive. Instead of focusing on differences, we can notice similarities. For example, no matter our culture or race, we all have loved ones. We all know pain and sorrow, joy and happiness. We all experience fear and loss. We all have to deal with adversity at some point or other. No one can escape the human condition even if his or her circumstances are different.

Working Together by Lollyman

Common Ground

Perception is everything. How we perceive things determines our success or failure. It can make things easy or difficult for us.

For instance, seeing other people as rivals can make it hard for us to manage challenges and change. Instead, this view creates boundaries that divide when we should unite. At critical moments, it may end up causing needless problems for us.

It is far better to have people on our side than to have them against us. To do so, we must emphasize our similarities and reduce our differences. Wherever it is possible, we must try to find common ground. Here, it pays to listen carefully without prejudice. The key is to empathize with and understand their point of view. This will enable us to meet them halfway wherever possible.

We cannot build trust in an instant. But if we focus on the little things and pay attention to detail, we can have small successes. This will go a long way in creating bonds that will help us to undertake bigger things in the future.

By taking a balanced and flexible view of the situation, we can achieve harmony with others. This will help us to manage any changes that happen in life.

Taking Action

Are there boundaries in your life that alienate you from others? Have your prejudices and assumptions made it hard for you to resolve the issues you face? How did you manage the situation? Have you ever connected with people by focusing on common ground? How has this helped you to manage challenges with them? What are some of the ways you can think of to find common ground with others? Do share your thoughts and comments below!