Having your loved one by your side gives great meaning to your life. Yet many relationships and marriages are unhappy, ending in break ups and divorce. To worsen matters, there is also the issue of cheating. Not only do men do it, but in this age of gender equality, women do so as well. But here, cheating is merely the symptom or the result of a bigger unresolved problem or problems in the relationship. Is living happily ever after a myth? Is there no way to find that perfect someone to share your love? What then can you do to have the relationship you deserve?
Two Important Choices
Relationships are important to being happy. Yet, people cannot seem to find the right person with whom they can be happy. Yes, it is true that you need to be able to stand on your own two feet before you can find happiness. But it also boils down to two choices you have to make:
1. Choosing the right person at the right time at the right place
2. Choices you make when problems arise in the relationship
Done well, you will have a relationship that many will envy. Done wrongly and each quarrel you have risks straining the relationship beyond repair. Not only do quarrels alienate the person you love, it also leaves you feeling deeply unhappy. In any case, no one really listens in a quarrel.
The Nature of Relationships
Feelings alone are not enough. To complicate matters, feelings can change with time and circumstances. Once the euphoria fades, it takes effort to sustain and nurture a relationship.
There is also the matter of potential. Each relationship has a different potential. As such, some relationships are harder to hold on to than others. There may be many reasons for this. It could be due to compatibility issues. It could be due to circumstances. Or it could be different goals in life. To keep things simple, a relationship can turn out in the following ways:
1. The Tao of the relationship is good and the events are good throughout
2. The Tao of a relationship is good, but events go from good to bad
3. The Tao of a relationship is good and events go from bad to good
4. The Tao of a relationship is bad and the events are bad throughout
5. The Tao of a relationship is bad, but the events go from bad to good
6. The Tao of a relationship is bad and the events go from good to bad
It helps at the start to know how your relationship with someone will turn out. This is vital to helping you make the first of the two important choices wisely. By doing so, you will save yourself a lot of heartache, time and effort. After which, you will be free to focus and invest yourself with someone with whom you can have great happiness.
Even so, I have seen cases where it is hard to let go of love in spite of the obvious difficulties ahead. I too have had my own personal experiences. So if you choose to hold on because it is worth fighting for, then you must excel in making choices. You must make all the best choices you can to keep your relationship going. Not only must you be able to discern the root cause of problems when they arise, you have to be creative enough to solve them. Again, it helps to know the outcome of your choices and actions in advance. With this foresight, the best choices become obvious.
Protecting and Nurturing Love: Why You Must Take Charge to Manage Change
Change is the only constant in life and relationships are no exception to it. Here, you cannot leave change to chance if you value your love. If you do so, change is likely to take the path of least resistance. When you allow things to happen by default, they rarely turn out the way you wish.
Think about it, if you try to kick a bad habit without clear goals and a plan, can you succeed? Unless something life changing happens, chances are you will lapse back to your old ways eventually. It is the same with relationships. You have to take responsibility and design the relationship you want. Without a clear vision and a guiding hand, the outcome of a relationship is an open question. To have a love that lasts, you need to take charge and nurture it.
Problem Solving in a Relationship
1a. The Dangers of a Reactive Approach
Any relationship will face internal or external problems during its lifetime. Here, it is easy for communication to breakdown in the midst of a crisis. When all hell breaks loose, lovers might become enemies. A loving couple might say and do things to each other that they come to regret later. The greater the love, the greater the hurt and pain.
The crux of the problem is a lack of foresight and judgement. When you are in the midst of a crisis, you can only see what is in front of you. It is hard to think a few steps ahead when emotions are clouding your judgement. Instead of pre-empting events, you react to them. Instead of being a few steps ahead, you are a few steps behind. When you fail to see the big picture, you rarely make good choices.
1b. How Knowing the Unknown Changes Everything
But what if you know beforehand all the problems that are likely to happen in your relationship and when? How would knowing this “rough schedule” in advance change things for you?
It is simple really. If it is an internal crisis between the two of you, you can sit down early to discuss the matter calmly before it blows out of proportion. Yes, you may already know that a problem exists, so what is the big deal? Knowing a problem is one thing. But knowing it will lead to a crisis in a few weeks or months if you do not address it early is a different story. The gravity of the matter will force you to take prompt and effective action. You have to if you really treasure your relationship. Done well this is one area where you have enough control to pre-empt a crisis.
If it is an external crisis, you will have less control. As such, you may or may not be able to prevent it. But at the very least, the both of you will be prepared to face it together. It will not take you by surprise and cause you to panic. There will be more patience and understanding as you focus on getting through the matter together. And by working with instead of against each other, this is a perfect opportunity for your relationship to grow. All this however, can only happen with foresight, not hindsight.
2. What You Say and How You Say It
Then, there is the matter of delivery. When it comes to working out problems, it is not just what you say, but how and when you say it that matters. Saying the right thing in the right way at the right time will help you to get the message across to your sweetheart. Anything else will only meet with varying levels of resistance. In the worst case, you might face outright rejection and hostility.
This problem is easily resolved if you know in advance how your significant other will take the message. Then it is all a matter of tweaking your pitch until you get the desired outcome. If you know the best way to say what you need to say and when to say it, you will have a receptive audience.
How I Can Help You
The best way I can help you is with foresight. I can show you the outcome of your choices and actions before you make them. All you have to do is to Ask the Vizier. With this foresight, you will no longer have to grope in the dark and hope for the best. You will know what to do, when to do it and how to do it to achieve your goals.
Experience wise I have helped to manage the start of relationships. By choosing the relationship with the best potential, I have helped to create the conditions needed for love to grow. I can tell you at the start if a relationship has potential or not. I can tell you if it will be easy or not. Then, the choice is yours to make.
I have also helped to manage and resolve problems in relationships. By looking deeply into the Tao of each situation, I have helped to remove obstacles that hinder love. Here, I can help you to make the best choices to keep love alive in the midst of adversity. If there is indeed a chance for the relationship to survive, I will help you to find that way.
But there are times when the conditions are simply not right for love. When you have done all you can and nothing changes, the only thing left to do is to let go and move on. The problem arises if both parties are not on the same page. One may want to move on while the other tries to hold on.
Here, I too have managed break ups and even divorces. I have helped to make messy affairs as painless and amicable as possible. By guiding you to take action in the right way, I can help you to resolve any lingering issues so you can move on quickly. By doing so, you will have another chance to find the love you truly deserve. (Here, I just want to clarify that I do not handle the legal aspect of divorces.)
So if you have any problems about relationships that you may need help in, do feel free to drop me an email to discuss the matter. If I can help you, I will. If I cannot, I will say so. There is no charge for discussing the matter. Charges only arise if you require me to help you with foresight.
The true secret to having a lasting relationship is to be able to solve and pre-empt any problems that arise in the best way. You must know early what each situation requires to prepare and take action. Only then will love have a chance to grow and to flourish. Happiness in a relationship is a choice. But in truth, it is really about making the best choices you can all the time.
What other ways do you know of to create a lasting relationship? Do you have any questions for me? Do share your thoughts and comments below!